|
He was only 3 ½ , very small and quiet for
his age. I often wondered if it was because of me, what I was going through back
then. He could play by himself for hours on his swing set. I was afraid to stay outside
too long, often left him there while I lay on the couch.
He knew how to come in on his own, the gate was locked, he couldn't wander off.
Sometimes the 5 year old next door would talk to him through the hedge. His mother was
beginning to suspect that I was not myself. She was warm and caring and we used to
have tea together. I just didn't venture out much anymore.
Each day when my husband went to work, he worried, wondered when I would " snap out
of it". Not even I understood that the only solution was proper medication and
monitoring me until I became my old self again. I should have had a better understanding
of these problems. Bipolar or manic depression tends to be a hereditary problem. My mother
had suffered the same problems when I was young.
My in-laws thought it would be best if they took care of my son and I went into the
hospital for treatment. At this point I had lost over 30 pounds on my already trim figure
and I had stopped eating. It seemed like a long painful process until I started eating
again and taking an interest in life itself.
To pass the time I would write down my thoughts, often in prose. I was just put on
an anti-depressant at that time. When I got home after my hospital stay, I had found
my son was enrolled in nursery school for fall. My family had decided he might be too much
of a burden for me to take care of. Options were limited to me.
I sought the help of a good therapist to help me get back on my feet. This meant taking
the bus to the other end of town, I did not have driving privileges yet. Barry, my
therapist, encouraged me with my writing and seeking future goals for myself. I
missed having my son around me all day but I knew I had to find a way to prove that I was
a competent person again.
I brought myself to compose a resume, maybe it had a few gaps in it but I still could
perform medical research work. Work was exactly what I needed.
|
|
